How to be selfless and successful in your relationships

Don’t let anyone fool you; successful relationships take work. Too often when we dream of our ideal relationship, we dream of a knight in shining armor or a prince on his trusty steed riding into town, sweeping us off our feet and galloping off into the sunset.

And then we wake up.

Realistically, the only way to be cared for in the way we’ve always dreamed of is to care that same way for our mate. When two people love each other selflessly, both will ultimately have their needs met.

Frequently couples will invest more time in planning for their single, four-hour wedding event than preparing for the actual marriage. So what does it take to become selfless & successful? Here are just a few tips:

1. Prioritize

If you don’t have a scheduled time set aside for those most important to you, it will never happen. Whether it’s a date night with your husband, personal time with the Lord, or dinner with loved ones, take time to schedule it.

2. Prayer

One of my mentors told me, “I’ve learned to fully worship God. That worship, in turn, made me feel more of God’s love, acceptance and presence.” We must pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17) because prayer is the source of communication and intimacy with God. Not only is prayer one of the best ways to experience God’s love but it is the only way to learn to successfully love your mate.

3. Peace

Whether you’re single, married, widowed or divorced, take comfort in knowing that God knows your heart and will reveal to you the steps to take. Remember that your peace comes from Christ alone. There is nothing more powerful than a woman who is authentic before her God, her family and God’s people.

4. Patience

A friend once advised me, “My job is to make my husband look good doing his job.” She went on to remind me that constructive comments should be made at home, out of the earshot of others, and that I must be patient and pray my husband through the process. We must be supportive and patient – bearing with one another in love, just as Jesus exemplified for each one of us.

I discovered the definition of a good woman wasn’t so much about doing as it was about being. It has very little to do with how often I make homemade meals – and everything to do with how often I stop to pray. My decorating and cleaning will never compare to how well I surrender and submit, both to my Lord, my husband and the other authorities God has placed in my life. When I do these things, I find that my husband appreciates how I do things much more than what I’m actually doing for him.

-Sami Cone


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